Haha i luv this picture.

Okay hello world wide web. Im talking to Adeena M Sadon. Hehe we're gossiping about some girl who apparently lost her virginity when...... well, we dont even think she's hot ah. NOT that we think we deserve to be fucked more than her. HAHA, oh what the hell. -.- Hehe Adeena damn maknenek ah!

Hello kak fyqa :) Read your fb status, all the best for today ♥

I have not finished my homework i think im going to d-i-e. Im doing my acelearning shit now. Haha emphasize on the shit tyvm.

But oh wellz what to do <- omg this reminds me of Maisarah :(

HELLO MAI, hows the air in Hong Kong? Tell Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck and maybe Cinderella i said hi!

Oh and to Outcry, :) All the best for your gig today, baek ah korang~

Emailboy i know you can do it eh. Luv u.

Walao why the picture so big! D:

Avatar was terawesome, like seriously. I think its even better than Transformers. It has all the elements a good movie should have - Romance, a great Twist, Friendship, Battle scene, Touching moments. Heh, okay maybe i teared a little. Okay maybe a lot. But hell yeah the movie was great. Even my brother did not get bored this time, he even tahan his pee just to continue watching the movie, and pssst, he's the picky type, if its boring, you can count on him to announce his boredom.

I love Happy la please :) Ho ho she bought chocs for me today! Like the expensive one @ Candy Empire type. HEHE. *smiles like no tmr~* Aint feeling better yet tho, heh thats why she bought me candy and chocs, oh please dont tell my dentist okay! And my doctor also! :( My mom spoilt me today with cookies popcorn food more food more and more food because i think she found out about the puffy eyes. HEH HO HU HA.

Okayyyyyyyy i think im going MIA for a little while. Think only ah. Pffft, k bye.

Has anyone done their Clay Marble lit homework? Im confused.

But as i wipe my tears off, telling myself that everything's going to be okay. Then suddenly i think, "Really? Is it really going to be okay?" Because okay isnt even what i aim for right now. Because all i want it for everything to go back to normal. But just why do i keep making everything seem worse? I'm trying, i'm trying to let you know how much you mean to me. How much i cry just worrying whether or not you still love me. Whether there's even an 'us' anymore. How much i want you to know that i've sacrificed everything, just to be with you. Just to show you how much i want to change. Just to show you that i will do anything for you. Just for once, to make you proud to be mine. But day by day, the more i show you love, the more you give me some attitude i cant even describe. The angst from you that i could feel when im talking to you. And then i just tell you how i feel about everything, and it starts again. Madness. And now it just seems that everything's dark, no where to go to, decisions i should make. All the little bits and pieces of our relationship, that i should have payed more attention to. The things i should and should not have done. The things i should and should not have said. I know, i've not been supporting you all this while, but how. How do i do everything, when there's this little part of me that is still so insecure. And believe it or not, every single thing you say or whatever, whether on msn, on the phone or real life. I could really tell whether you just want to hang up and say good bye. Because at times, you just seem that you just want to get the fuck away. And i'm left there, feeling so insecure whether you yourself still want to be with me. And fuck yes, im feeling jealous right now. Oh fucking jealous. But dare i say it? No. Because in the end, all i will get from telling you how i really feel is you telling me off.

Sometimes, i just fucking hate it when someone promises me that nothing's going to affect them at all. When they say oh you can tell me anything. But in the end, it turns out to be an argument. And it just leaves me so scared to tell you everything in my mind. Knowing that the outcome aint going to be good. Which leaves me talking to myself about the fucking bloody problems im having. Which is fucking bloody pathetic. I help others with their problems, but what about mine? I cant even solve my own. And yet i have the cheek to spend my time talking to others about their problems. Yes, i may sound selfish right now. But i just cant take all this shit any longer. Boyfriend, family, myself, friends everything's going wild right now. With me going in and out of the docs, bills and more bills because of the check ups i've been going to. The anxiety im feeling every time the test results come back to me. The people that are left suffering because of me. The money lost, the money spent on fucking me. The sad expressions on their faces because of me. Tears shed by others because of me. I hate it. I hate the way i make a negative impact on my loved ones.

/

And yes, we get jealous, you get jealous and i get jealous. I know i get jealous a hell lot, and you think that i have this view that i'm the only one who can get jealous and you cant. But do you really want to know why i'm always here telling you off when you're jealous? Because i know that you're the only one for me, and i dont want anybody else but you. Thats it, i dont want any other guy (or girl, in fact) because i already have you. Okay, i have to admit maybe i was not being understanding about the whole you-jealous-over-some-guy thing. But i just want you to trust me that i dont want any other guy. Whats in the past, stays in the past, yes okay, maybe i havent gotten over what happened in the past and i dont have the right to tell you to keep the past behind you, but really b, just believe me.

And i know i've given you a hell lot of shit, but when i talked to you that day. I may be laughing and all that, but i was hurt alright? I was. Because i dont fucking know what i did so wrong for you to talk to/treat me that way. And i really hope, when i am not doing something right, just tell me, instead of keeping it all in, leaving me so clueless and get blasted at the whole week.

I know, i may not be the perfect girlfriend, but yknow what, i am trying to be one, not perfect, but at least a better one. And i know, i cant be like other girls, who could go out all the time, sms you everyday, call you, to be there for you everyday and all that. Im sorry, i really am. And i know, that this is all my fault. The reason that we're both in this, is because of me. For you to have such a handicapped relationship, is because of me. Yes, i admit. Its all because of me.

Oh hello, im back! Been MIA from friends/tv/phone/computer/internet/laptop and other human technology for the past two weeks, i guess.

Last Saturday had an entire day of hockey, well almost. Fun tiring sad happy weird crazy all the above. We made pretty origamis and played monkey while waiting for our matches. Showers after it ended was epic, seriously. I was screaming and whining Bat was banging the door I threatened her that i was going to leave she made ghosts sounds I screamed again and whined too ho ho ho walao then i was her maid for what, 5 minutes? Crazy.

Then zooooomed off to East Coast for family chalet 09. Haha i was damned hyped up until..... i saw the chalet was damn small ah kan. But its okay, overall it was terbest. First day we played some games, nothing too physical ah, but it was fun. Banyak aku punye fun, i was like posang (restless/tak tentu arah/not focusing/sleepy) the whole way, everyone was like "Nisa, okay tak? Sakit eh? Nak panadol?", "Nisa asal emo emo nie!!! Zaman emo dah habis dokkk!" Walao, all i wanted was sleep (like real only my eyes terkebil-kebil also i follow them go play guitar and lepak and all that, tsk Nisa)

(i think this girl, Asyura, is damn damn pretty like the sister Adriana, in the next photo, lets photo spam their pics okay!!!)

HAHA LOOK LIKE MINAH

When we all jumped into bed, i guess i was the first one to sleep, but someone put a blanket on me, whoa so swit.

The next day all of us woke up, well actually we all woke up because my uncle was snoring like crazzzzzzzzzy, seriously!! Like over the top snoring not the normal snoring ah, like damn loud omg from outside can hear omg like damn loud (okay okay, you get it, he snores loud). Haha then next alarm clock was my cousin Alyssa who was in the next chalet. Whoa cry so loud, chill ah baby. Everyone else in the room woke up, awesome. Then we went swimming, which reminds me.... (HELLO TURTLE, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO SWIM TO SYDNEY LIKE, 2 WEEKS AGO? APE TELAH HAPPEN TO OUR OXYGEN BOTTLE AND CUPCAKES!) yes, that. Then when we were all swimming swimming, there was this mat sesat tak menjadi tangkap glamour at the benches. Kakak Hadi.. oh oops i meant Abang Hadi (HAHA OMG BAT). Walaozzzz.

But that morning walao, i was damn pissed off please with my aunties. I was damn hungry abeh like dont want to let us go Macs so me and Mahirah went buy instant noodles instead -.- Went to rent bikes and we cycled and cycled like nobody's buzzeeness. Omg Hadi like totally kene kacau, by some mat. He was talking in his gay accent (well obviously)....

Hadi: "Eh ape la you ni, merajok i tau"

Mat: "EH EH MACAM PONDAN"

Walao then Hadi happy siak! Like damn damn happy like damn high and all that. "Omg im so proud" -.- And the worst thing of all, he was riding the 2 seater bike, and i was riding with him. Memalukan siak. Tapi tkpe, cousin punye pasal.

That evening we played fun fun fun games. Walao, Abang Zaki damn rough please. I was protecting my balls (alamak so..... wrong) okay plastic balls (alamak still....) okay okay, toy balls yknow the colour colour ones? Yeah that. I was on the floor already lying down with the balls underneath me, he still can slide his hand through and take them out, i was like eh chill ah bro, haha. Then every team had to dress up on e of their team members as a ghost, with tissue, so obviously everyone chose pocong. Haha damn funny omg!! Will post the pictures up when i upload it on my com k? We played other games too, haha they were fun. Plus the pouring the drink game too. Everyone was pouring the drinks into other's cups, i was drinking it. HO HO.

That night, everyone left, except my family and Mahirah's family. So early in the morning we went swimming yay. Then these two primary five boys were making fun of me because i couldnt do a front flip dive. Not that i couldnt, i was scareddddd. Haha but they were so nice because they wanted to teach me. "Kakak biru do beginner style!!", "Kakak orange boleh buat ke tak!?!?" Oh i was kakak biru because i was wearing blue. HAHA, then Mahirah's kakak orange. Mahirah thought the abang looked like Sezairi but no lah, false alarm false alarm.

When we reached home i quickly crashed into bed but woke up few hours later because we wanted to go to Botanical Gardens to see all the Christmas trees being lit up. Met Hadi's family and Mahirah's family too. Oh, we were like locusts. Yknow when the locusts come to a bunch of trees, everything becomes botak because they eat like almost everything, well, we were like that. Just that we took the ornaments that were free. AND THEY WERE FREAKING AWESOME K, its like these keychains which looks like those square driving signs like "Danger, children crossing 50m ahead" kind of things, we took everything they had. The lanyards, everything. Haha, my mom got worked up because we were like trading the different kind of keychains with different sayings, as if its like those pokemon cards.

Supper @ Al Azhar. Our table was the most posang/high/hyper/sleepy/crappy table i had ever sat in. Haha they made fun of my posang face sia!!! Say i kena sampok and all that. Damn sad but its okay because they made funny faces when they stoned too, awesome cousins of mine \m/ Then we bid goodbye :'(

Yesterday spent the whole morning at the dentist w/ family. My bill went up to almost 300 bucks, can you believe it? Well, at least i got my gums worked out and all that. Got medicine too, seriously, who gets medicine and pills when they go to dentists!!! Then hopped down Queensway to buy my uniform. I was amazed by how yellow and clean the uniforms were. The auntie was like giving me the 'Say whuttt' expression. Then went up and down finding Vans shoes. It was either this striped purple shoe and one sexy hot pink and white shoe. Couldnt decide so went around a little more. Then boom, went into Converse and saw this beautiful gorgeous amazing pretty leather sneakers. I fell in luv with it please. Omg, so i bought it and i was a happy girl, i even wore it on the spot. Then went to some guitar shop, Dada bought an amplifier for himself, then surprised me with a yellow "Police line, do not cross" guitar strap, that i was hinting to him in the shop,when we went home (Y) DAMN NICE. Went home, smsed baby a long long long message. Baby, i miss you :( Like seriously. I know we've been having a hard time these few weeks, but insyaallah, it'll all get better okay sayang? Yknow i love you alot right? You're the best i ever had, muax muax.

Today went to the dentist again and ate Oishi! for breakfast again. I ate like 6 slices of pizza im so proud of myself yet im disgusted with myself. How? Haha but i will get to burn all those fat tmr during training. How awesome. Then went to Bugis to shop with mommy. Omg omg i found this hot blazer for 16 bux. And my mom bought it for me he he he he he i damn happy liao. Then bought socks for Oxie (Oh this is what i call my converse shoe, because made of Ox leather mah, OVER THE TOP MUCH NISA? No, this is what you call the love for your new shoes, i bet after a few weeks i'll be "Oxie who?" HAHA). Damn nice, one has leopard pringz, or was it cheetah? EH WHATS THE DIFFERENCE SIOL! And the other was black and had white polka dots, me likey.

Went to Geylang Serai (haha i just had to put the Serai right?) to find mommy's songket. But failed. Tsk tsk.

Okay la bye!!!! MORE PICTURES WILL BE UPLOADED ON FACEBOOK/BLOG SOON.

(Photo credits: Mahirah (L))

I was damn excited today because i thought, well finally, it would be the 11th. And you know what day it is right. The day before the 12th. Because my oh so magnificent father said that Saturday was not a working day (i had a hunch that it was bogus btw) (wait, but then it happened last month) (Ala either way, it still didnt happen today) so he said that today was the day. But.... no, it didnt happen. And tomorrow is not so perfect either. I'm worried shit, do you read this? Shit. Ho ho ho, okay maybe a little bit exaggerating, but yeah. We have a carnival tomorrow. And i am just scared that i'll screw up. Thats all, no biggy. Lol, As if. My heart is breaking through its cage here, hello?

So yesterday was.. Fun. Awesome. Fantastic. And amazingly... awkward. Hockey was great, we made cute nicknames for ourselves whoohoo. Im Nini, Emily is Emem, Bat is Butty, Clarabelle is Clarrie, Gauri is Gaugau, Beverly is Bevbev, Hao Tian is Haohao, Kelly is Kelkel, Sarah is Sasa. HEHE. After training went to shower with Butty and Turtle. I was so amazed by the awesome toilet, since for the past year, all we did was stuff ourselves in one teeny weeny toilet, and one day some clean big toilet magically appears out of nowhere. Amazing.

After training Butty sent me and Mahirah to Republic Poly. Hoho, i think pranking the guy was epic. I didnt know half the swear words Butty used. Like, whoa, seriously. @CWP met her friend Nabiha, hehe she's pretty. Then looked for food and all that, then made our way to Republic Poly. The sun was scorching hot, :( :( :( :( :( As if i dont get enough of sun from all the trainings i have. Hahhaha. So then we pigged out infront of 7-11. Hahaha omg damn awkward, everyone was looking at us. "Uhhhhhh, Mahirah, what time MOMMY end her LECTURE again?" Haha we just had to emphasize on the mommy and lecture to make it all seem better. Well, ofcourse its a friggin lie. HAHA. Then finally the two heroes came. And then "BAM". Awkwardness starts. I was looking away. Mahirah was "Uhhh, uhhh"-ing. Bat and Nabiha were snickering. Tsk. Hahaha but when they started dancing, hahaha it was hilarious. I was there sitting and they were dancing, i just wanted to laugh. Okay, actually only laughing at Bat. But yeah, you get the picture. Mahirah is a (Y)(Y)(Y) dancer. Hadi, awesome-r. Me, hahaha jangan cakap, i cant dance for nuts. Oh and i love Nab's phone game. HAHA (Y)(Y)(Y)

Sent mommy before going home and i managed to talk to Emailboy hehehe. You dont know how high i was. And how my heart was b-b-b-b-b-beating so fast. Love you kkkkk (L) Dont go Sahara, later i alone alone here, later i sad :( How? *plays slow sad violin music*

I fell in love with Emailboy, someone catch me. Hu hu. Oh and i spent almost 2 hours submitting entries to win tix for S.I finals. Ho ho ho ho ho. And omg, Friday is going to be the best day ever. And omg, tomorrow too @Republic Poly but i think it'll be damn akward. And omg, ill be gone from Friday to Monday. And omg, haha i should stop saying and omg. And omg, hahaha there i said it again.

Eh i've been pretty productive (?) for the past few days, i'm a happy girly. *dances around the flat* He he he, oh and study date with Happy on Tuesday was pretty okay. She did her A maths and i did my English. We spied on some people too. People should get blinds, like seriously. You just dont know whether two young girls are going to peep thru your window. We were making fun of this guy who was playing his Wii. FUNNY SIA, gelek here gelek there. Hu hu hu hu~

Okay, tmr's day will be spent with teammates, UrbanEgo crew and family. Im hyped up. Not. But hehe, im happy today :)

Do you see me!!!

Photo credits: Tanat Pruetthipun

Hoho more pictures will be up, well... soon. Welllll.. okay when i have the mood to.

Then went out with family. Farm Mart > West Coast Food Court > Bukit Candu Museum > Labrador Park > West Coast Park. Haha and im drained out now. Oh im officially my mom's personal 'watch-what-she-eats' assistant. HEEHEE. :>

Eh i miss emailboy la :( Heh, Monday come quickkkkkkkkkk i want your hugs :>

Heh sorry for stealing your picture Fatin.

Days have been rough for me these days. Family, friends and Emailboy. Phonecall on Sunday night was... i dont know how to describe it ah eh, i just know that i deserved it.

I was happy today tho. Hehe like seriously high. And for the first time, i took the bus with teammates without feeling all emo emo. Success. Haha. So yeah Training > Lot 1 > Food Culture > Home. Bought friendship bands for "jiwer" (pronounce the 'wer' sengau tyvm). Met up with Happy before i went home. Well, i always meet her anyw, hahaha. Neighbour katekan. And she did something which made me (Y)(Y)(Y). Hehe, love you kawan terbaik. Muah.

Dikir outing tomorrow. Wooh.

/

Dah tak kuasa lagi. Im tired of thinking that its all going to be alright.

Hand's burning. Trying to dry my eyes.

Dont pretend that you care, because you dont, you dont give a fuck.

Im not asking for care, all im asking is to stop making my hopes so high.

Then send them crashing down.

Just stop, will you?

And sometimes, when you just think about the past, you feel so agitated. You feel so guilty. You feel so jealous. You feel the way you did back then. And i hate it that i let history take over me, and i hate it that i let something in the past affect me again. I hate it that i just cant let go.

Haha yay you know me better nao. Are you happy? HEHE

Eh eh i just remembered that yesterday after S.I, i was supposed to swim to Sydney with Turtle. WALAO CHEAT MY FEELINGS. Oh and kawans, relek ah. Im not migrating.

Photo Credits: Alyssa :D

"YO, WASSUP MAN!" Haha yes, cousins were staring and laughing at me when i went high high and away in the car, haha. S.I yesterday was alright i guess. The dancing... was a total turn off, to me ah. We had seating tickets first so we were at the seats for the first half. Me and Mahirah were like making our own scenes, being high and all when everyone else's not. Whoa, i cannot tahan the minah sitting behind us. But the boyfriend..... haha, okay joke, Tho I know Hafizah feels the same way too. During the interval was epic, seriously, it was epic. "Stupid vending machine, stupid vending machine!" Mats these days. HAHAHAHA. During the results show we were at the moshpit. Haha, pretty awesome. Me and Rammi got cheated by the camera guy seh, we even thought of what to do when the cam faces us. TSK but in the end, he turned the cam away. Desperate much? Hahahaahaha. Then when it ended, mom called and said Sleeq was in the same lift as her and the rest, so me Faj and Mahirah rannnnn all the way to the exit that leads us to the lift. But then they left alr :( Walao damn sad. Then we realized that the doo to the lift, was actually right infront of where we were originally. SAD CASE AH

Today training was (Y). Heh had friendly match with Inova JC, heh heh heh heh won them by 3 - 0. Emily's flick was (Y)(Y)(Y)(Y) and Hanna's and Bat's goal was (Y)(Y)(Y)(Y) too. I felt damnnnnn happy haha especially after match with Radin Mas. Team outing tmr, yay yay yay, i hope it wont be an epic fail though.......

HAPPY SELENGER AH. BYE.

I freakinggggggg high and i've never felt this way before in a longgggg time, hehe. No seriously.

HEHE S.I was roxon babeh.

Edit: Whoa i realized that my spelling and grammar is pretty bad in this post. I better go sleep. BAI BAI.

/

Oh and one more thing before i go, im over it all. And im proud of it. Winks at the person im talking about.

Are you happy of me Happy? Whoo whoo whoo. Mybestgirl konon. Pergi minum susu ah, babi. Oooooops i meant Happy.

Haha goodbye all. Keep that counter running and that tagboard too. I need to pee oh so urgently okay tmi tmi~ Oh and when you're gone im gonna miss you. :)

Luvyouall.

Haha hello teammates please go to http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=3022804&id=726257916 to comment. Tyvm! ;)

/

Heh, and when i think back about all these amazing memories, i thank god for letting me experience it all. And that life isnt so bad after all. Damn, i'm going to miss 2009 hell lot. :( Urgh but still im still disappointed with myself and i know there are others who are disappointed in me too. But its okay, i can do this. I can. :)

Hello world. Meet Kak Ifah, Kak Ifah meet the world. She owes me bubble gum but still tak nak kasi seh. (haha thick skin) Wait do bubble gum turn bad? Entah la eh. Haha. Oh ahhaa she told me to put her "hot" picture and "promote" her on my blog. So here goes. She calls me bengap and selenger but i dont think i am seh. Wait, am i? Jeng jeng jeng. I like to irritate her by calling her Kak Ifah. I think its cute. Haha not her, the name i mean. Hahaha joking joking. Oh did i tell you that she owes me bubble gum? HAHA hint hint nudge hint nudge hint nudge. HAHA

Okay bye!