Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Honestly i dont know what to say or do anymore. I'm tired trying to prove to everybody. I'm tired trying to prove myself to you. Everybody's just the same. They care about their own feelings, but sometimes they just ignore others' feelings as well. If you were to put yourself in my shoes, if you were to really understand what i was/am feeling, well then maybe everything would not be this way in the end. Everything would be just fine. If you were to stop doing whatever i told you that hurt me, well then maybe i just might not have gone mad and out of control. After that day i honestly have to say that i am emotionally unstable. I've never gotten so hurt, paranoid, jealous and insecure. I dont blame anybody, because maybe thats my flaw. I just have low self esteem and anyone who knows me you better jolly well realise that. I dont want to touch on that topic nor talk about it anymore. Because i know its not gonna give me any benefit nor is it gonna change anything. Its only gonna make things worse. Honestly i dont feel any better cause i'm still hurt/jealous/paranoid/insecure. I'm so good at pretending, huh?
Posted by - at 5:38 AM
Monday, December 6, 2010
Okay so ironically, my blog is dead regardless of the url "nisaisnotdeadyet". Somebody (cough ahem sniff nudge hehez) asked me to update so here goes~
Dikir practice started today wowzzzza. Had a great time with all the DikdiKids + the new sec ones, even though this year, we're running short on members. But its okay :) PLEASE JOIN OKAY BUDAK MELAYU CRESCENT. I'm watching you. I really miss the girls cause its been a year since we all gathered and actually bonded with each other. I hope this year (+next year), its gonna be as fun, i'm sure it will be :)
Yknow, luckily i have trainings, dikir, friends and Birdie to keep me company during the holidays. Cause i swear, i would rot like hell and i would gain alot of weight. DO YA'LL THINK I GAIN WEIGHT!?!?!?!?!?!? I think my legs alot fatter :( Okay gotta exercise exercise exercise and be as slim as Azyan hahahaah (hi azyan i damn jealuzzzz).
Okay byebye i shall go immerse myself in fb and twitter.
Anyway, follow me on Twitter @neesalmon!!! :)
Posted by - at 5:01 AM
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I've learnt that i should i not hate someone without even knowing them properly, and well who knows, maybe in real life, they're actually nice people. In real life that is, not in the drama-filled exaggerating mind i have. And yes, sometimes your insecurities lead you to having bizzare imaginations, imaginations that wont ever happen in real life, but since you're so insecure, you believe it anyway. You believe it with your heart and soul, not realising how it eats you up from inside, bit by bit. And sooner or later, you begin to lose trust in everyone. Just because of your imaginations, just because of you being scared that maybe someday, those "dreams" would come true. Just snap out of it, before you get sucked into your mind, in your own world, where then, you'd become so paranoid of something that might not be even true.
Get me? No? Well live one day in my shoes then, come on, give a shot.
Posted by - at 5:52 PM
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Hi everibodi. Sorry for not posting much but hello!
I am craving for a drink WAI ARENT THERE ANY BEVERAGE IN THE FRIDGE LIKE JHELLO. Haha okay so how are your holidays!!!! My brother just bought himself this:
Yes they sell it at Toys R Us for 29.90 if i'm not wrong. Too bad it only fits kids cause if you ask me, i'd bring it too school everyday if i could. Haha its damn awesome lah!
Okay so yes holidays. My holidays have been fine and alright. Basically it revolves around Birdie and hockey. We had a Maths Trail not too long ago and it was fun. Though the "Maths" in "Maths Trail" really was a turn off but it turned out fun!!!!! Like we got to measure the length of the bridge and the angle of the Singapore Flyer. It may sound dry and boring but it was totally worth it. And oh yes did i mention it was at Marina Barrage? Hehe ^^v
I think that is it. But hi birdie i love you. Always did always will hehe. Bai.
Posted by - at 9:12 PM
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I'm tired of running and catching up with you. I'm tired of trying to prove you that i really love you. I'm tired of trying to make you trust me. I'm tired of trying to make you believe that you are my one and only. But one thing that i'm not ever gonna be tired of = loving you.
How can you say that my love for you isnt pure when all this while you're the only thing that's on my mind. Why cant you just believe that i do not love Faris anymore? Why? Is it because of whatever i told you? Is it? I'm tired of trying to prove myself when the answer is right smack there in front of you. What have i done all this while to make you lose your trust in me. What have i done? All the reasons are in the past and you dont take the present into consideration. That ego of yours overtakes everything, even the truth, even me. I'm in love you, dont you understand? I do not love Faris anymore. I dont i dont i dont. I cry dyou know that? I cry because the person i love does not even believe that i love him.
I'm tired, do you know that? I'm tired khairul anwar. Just for once, i just hope you would believe me. Since a few weeks back, i've not been expecting an i love you too from you. Because i know if i'd ask you'd say yeah ok. And i ask myself what have i done to make you treat me like this and hurt me this way. What have i done?
Posted by - at 11:51 PM